long time, no see, read or write.

Hello friends, it's been a while. I'm just gonna tell you how it is. I've had the hardest time bringing myself to post in here. The reason why isn't fun to utter.

For the past couple weeks I've been struggling, and not a little baby struggle. It's been a struggle where my soul has been forgotten. About four weeks ago, I lost myself. I lost my sense of confidence, I lost my passion to write and I lost who I am in God. Those last two things were the hardest to overcome. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose sight of God, I just didn't feel him the way I was used to feeling him. I was pursuing him in ways I never have before. I was in the word every single day, I was worshiping him every chance I had. But that didn't seem to help. You see, I was in a funk. I forgot what it felt to be beautiful. I forgot how it felt like to be overfilled with joy, I became a stranger to the presence of God. I spent four weeks breaking down, holding back and missing who I once was. Not feeling beautiful or desired or wanted or talented is a feeling that can't really be described unless you've been consumed by it. However, in those four weeks, I was loved on and encourage in new depths.
The best two pieces of advice were given to me in the midst of that funk.

Two dear and near men in my life spoke life into me. Mike, my youth pastor, told me, "you're definitely in a funk, and sometimes the only thing that can save your soul is a song given to you by the spirit." That's right, A SONG FROM THE SPIRIT. So you want to know what I did, I went home and I played the song "You make me brave" by Bethel Music until my head felt like it was going to explode from the pressure of countless tears streaming down my face. That song brought the presence of God to me for the first time in two weeks, and it was powerful. However, that was short lived. The next morning I woke up feeling worse than ever. I trooped through school longing to feel myself again. Then Sunday came. Dave, another pastor from my church, sat me down and had me bawling. He learned that I had been struggling and the look in his eyes as he watched me fall apart in front of him is unforgettable. The great thing about what Dave said is that it wasn't him telling me I was beautiful and loved or precious it was the fact that he told me this is a battle and that I need to fight. He told me that these thoughts I am having are not from the Lord; they're toxic and I need to push through them. So that's what I'm doing. Although I'm not in the deep of the funk, I'm still definitely fighting through it daily. I have my great days and I have my terrible days.
So why did I tell you all of this? I told you this because everyone comes to a time in life were God feels no where near, and I want you to know you're not alone and you will get through it. The God we serve is an everlasting, powerful and loving God.

With that to be said, I encourage you to stay tuned in. Great things are yet to come and yet to be done.
To close my longish rant, enjoy my encouragement of the day.
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. -Psalm 43:5