Did you know about 43% of US children live without their father?In today's day and age not having a dad in the picture is all too normal. The thought of someone not having their father around has been brushed off as no big deal. I'm here to tell you that's a complete lie. Not having your dad in the picture is very difficult to bear as a girl. Especially a teenage girl. The teenage years are hard as is, add a dash of "fatherless-syndrome" and it takes those difficult years to a whole other level.
Being a girl, you want affirmation of your beauty and talents. For whatever reason, that affirmation is desired and longed for to come from a dad. Dad's have a way of making their daughter's feel like a princess. In the same sense, dad's have the way of tearing their daughters down in the most influential ways.
For me, growing up with two petite sisters and a petite mom wasn't easy. I was the daughter that was "blessed" with all curves necessary. To this day, I hate every single one of these curves because my dad always had the tendency of comparing me to my sisters. I can still remember him commenting on the broadness of my shoulders or the thickness of my legs, and believe me, there's so much more. The image I see of myself has been molded by the times it was spit on, torn at, and stepped on by the man I needed to hear the opposite from.
Fatherless is so much more than that though. I've heard many times in my life, the scars we bear most are those that stem from our father. Not being told we're smart, handsome, beautiful, creative, successful, strong or even cherished has rooted itself deep into our souls. We as fatherless children or even those of us who don't have the best dad in the world, hold onto the things that were said to us or a lack of, for the rest of our lives.
But how do we heal? How do we gain back confidence that was taken years ago? How do we endure Father's day every year without a tear-stained face? How do we move on leaving the spiteful father in the past? I've been without my dad for almost three years. I went through the milestones of getting my first job, getting a car, turning sixteen, turning seventeen, my first prom, senior year and soon to be 18 all without my dad. Even knowing my dad has no business being in my life, there still isn't a day that goes by where I don't wonder what it'd be like if he had treated us the way dad's are supposed to treat their families. So again I ask, how do I move on? How do I find closure?
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-- this is God, whose dwelling is holy. -Psalms 68:5
Keeping in mind, our Heavenly Father will never forsake us and never leave us. He's our perfect Father.
Song of Inspiration:
You Make Me Brave - Bethel Music
Wow. This is powerful...
ReplyDeleteFathers have a way of being miss-understood as only a daughter can do when i comes to viewing yourselves through a fathers eyes and words.
ReplyDelete(fathers and daughters live in completely different worlds for some time before their worlds link up) Perhaps comments about broad shoulders are a way a father expresses the strength that he sees in a child. The strength to hold the world, your most inner convictions and the always not popular opinions on those broad shoulders when you need to or rather when you'll have to. The strength in your legs to stand and fight for your god given right in this life, for what you believe in and what you hold close to your heart. A strong back to support your own beliefs and those around you who may need truth and your positive life's outlook in the face of ignorance and the self served.
Fathers get the sharp end of the stick at times when it comes to trying to raise daughters... Your obviously a pretty young lady, perhaps your father thought that's something you already knew.?
Just a weak defense for fathers... ask yourself, have you ever taken the time to hear things that your father has said in actions? (raising children is not for the faint of heart) and it seems you and your father maybe not have been speaking the same language.
Jeremiah 3:24
“But the shameful act [of idolatry] has consumed the labor of our fathers since our youth—their flocks and their herds, their sons and their daughters.
ROMANS 8:38-39
Yes it is true, the amount of children growing up without a father is staggering. Some because their fathers chose to leave, some never knew their fathers and some are kept from their fathers because the mothers chose that life for their children due to their own bitterness and lies or selfishness or whatever... I am a daughter and I had a father in my life. When I was growing up he did not try to relate to me, he did not make time for me. He did not go out of his way to show that he loved me or was proud of me. He made fun of my weight and always commented on my eating. It was very hard for me, but I figured that was how men were. When I was 16 and having a difficult time at school with friends I tried to speak to him about my problems. He interrupted me and said he really didn't have time for this and walked out the door. I cried. If my own father did see me as someone worth making time for, how could I expect anyone else to want to? I never dated in high school because I couldn't even begin to relate to boys in that way. Oh I had many guys as friends, but that next step? It was beyond me. Many years later when I was in my 30’s while talking with my father about something, he tried to pull the, "I've got better things to do" and started away. I YELLED at him to get back here! "You've been walking away from me my whole life!!! You have no idea how much this has hurt me and affected me" My father started crying and pulled me into my first real hug from him that I could remember. He apologized over and over and said that he had never meant to hurt me like that. For the first time in my life he said to me, "I have always been so scared to offer advice or get into anything personal with you kids. My own father was such a disappointment to me and left me wanting so much that when I had kids of my own, I was terrified that I would do the same thing to them. So it was easier to walk away than to say the wrong thing or cause hurt in them. I never knew that you felt this way." To this day my father and I have a wonderful relationship.
ReplyDeletecont.. It is easy to judge someone else by the expectations we have of them. Expectations that come from society or even ourselves.. Judging what someone else does by what WE would do or how we think they should be. You CANNOT judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes. Without empathizing with them and understanding the life they have led, the troubles and sorrows they have dealt with. Before you were even a glint in their eye most parents have lived, hurt, loved and experienced things you have no idea about. I knew my father loved us kids because now that I am an adult, I can recognize the love through his actions. Providing a home for us, putting food on the table for us, chauffeuring us around when we wanted to go somewhere. Taking us camping, teaching us the beauty in Gods world. You cannot gauge a person’s love for you in compliments and gifts or on the comparison of actions of others. You say, "Even knowing my dad has no business being in my life, there still isn't a day that goes by where I don't wonder what it'd be like if he had treated us the way dad's are supposed to treat their families" Treated us the way dads are supposed to treat their families. There are no guidelines, no rules to live by, no "this is the way a family is supposed to be” This is the way a father is supposed to be... regardless of their upbringing, surroundings and situations they have had to bear. There are only people, the vast majority of who are misguided, misunderstood; broken and beat down. Everyone copes with things in their own way. It may not be a way you understand, but that doesn't mean that it is wrong. Empathy is a word that too many of us neglect. Every step and experience from birth leads us into the person we are today and shapes how we deal with the situations set before us. Matthew 18:22 says, "Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Holding onto resentment and grudges will only hurt you. Forgiveness and understanding is what Jesus is all about. Children will never know what it is to be an adult until they are one. Children will never know what it is to be a parent until they are one. Keep your heart open, you might not know the whole story.
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